Life life-ing, in its usual ironic way.

I've been struggling to find a seamless way to shoot interviews. Just this past week, I had to do a re-shoot because there were complications that were only discovered at the end of the first take. That wasn't the first time something like that was happening and at that point, I felt very defeated. No matter how much I prepared for these shoots, there just seemed to be something I was missing. It began to feel like there was more to it than what I was experiencing, something spiritual... an attack or a lesson...uncertain of which one. In the midst of my frustration on the day of the initial take, I was reminded of the response my guest gave when I asked them who their dance inspiration was during the interview. Among the names they mentioned was mine, and while I was pleasantly surprised and honored to hear it, in my recollection, I thought it was humourous. Some of the things they mentioned they admired about my work were the very things that did not work out for us on that day. Life and it's irony.

It's a foreign feeling to be a source of inspiration for others. I feel like it comes with a perceived expectation to have all of the answers and to have it altogether, even though that's not the case. For instance in the above example, I remember wondering, "Do they still think I am an inspiration, even when everything has gone unexpectedly wrong?"I doubt inspiration works this way; however, in that moment I was aware that I did not have it altogether, and I sensed a desire in me to maintain that esteemed label I had just acquired.

I am begrudgingly coming to terms with the fact that life will always life for reasons unknown to us. Sometimes you can prepare all day long and something still goes wrong, or you can wing it and have yourself a successful "shoot/show/project/post...etc". I would like to conclude this post on an encouraging note and say that there is a bigger and meaningful purpose for why things like these happen, and maybe there is...I hope there is...but the struggle is so real, it would be inaccurate with how I, currently, feel. Despite it all, I am committed to keep pushing through because shedding light on the journeys of dancers remains a vital part of the vision. So, we feel the frustration, we take a couple of deep breaths, we fix what can be fixed, and we keep going.

Keep creating & sharing!

~your dancer friend