I Was Not Familiar with the Game

I have a confession. I have participated in creative projects that have left me feeling frustrated by the seemingly lack of intentionality of some choreographers. Little details that I believed could have contributed to the fullness of the experience were being overlooked, and what disturbed me even further was the feeling that I was the only one being bothered by it. Unfortunately for those choreographers, their seemingly nonchalant behaviour translated against their favor in my mind. I believed they either just didn't care enough, didn't know any better, or didn't take their role as seriously as they needed to. One of them had to be the case...or all of them. I was one irritated and unsettled dancer, who made a mental note to be more mindful when I got the chance to be on the other side of things. I would do things differently. I would be chalant. I would be the change I wanted to see...

At the beginning of the year, I committed to working on 3 personal dance projects, and I recently began working on the 3rd one. Yes, look at me go! Clap for me! I went into it feeling brave, confident, and hopeful, beacuse I knew I had successfully done not just 1, but 2 dance projects before, so what's a 3rd one? The most challenging project EVER, is what it was!!!! Dancer friends, from creating multiple choreographies, to working with a larger number of dancers than I am used to, to aligning everyone's schedules, to finding a space that matched everyone's availability, to creating technical group pieces in my little room (without actual bodies to figure out movement and formations), to remembering and teaching everyone's part ( including my own), to watching, correcting, and cleaning the movement..., ALL within a very short period of time, I was challenged beyond my imagination! Baffled. Dumbfounded. Stressed. Anxious. Scared...and then convicted.

In the midst of my expected moments (yes, multiple) of panic, I was reminded of my unpleasant experiences with the choreographers I mentioned initially. Suddenly, I was in their shoes and I was living their experience firsthand. I was doing my very best to make my dancers experience seamless, but found myself falling short of my own standards. It began to dawn on me just how much unseen hard work and effort go into these kinds of projects. Yes, the little additional details would be ideal. Yes, the visible intentionality would be great. Yes, a little more in general would be wonderful. But even so, my experience opened my eyes to a new perspective, another possible truth. There could be more than what meets the eye. Just because something isn't taking place publicly, doesn't mean it's not taking place at all. We all deserve the benefit of doubt, we all deserve grace. So to the choreographers I was too quick to pass judgement on, I apologize. Receive your flowers for holding it down the best way you know how. Props to you!

Keep creating & sharing!

~your dancer friend